Twin Flame Texting Gone Bad

He texted. I'm worried for the first time that my souls' most perfect mate might be stupid.

It's obnoxiously funny and utterly confusing. What he texted, I mean.

Four weeks ago I did something very hard.  Excruciating doesn't come close to describing it.

Four weeks ago I told my Twin-Flame "goodbye".  Goodbye as in for as long as it takes for him to grow a pair and to figure out whatever he needs to... I told him we could talk again when his actions matched his words.  There was more, but for his privacy I won't share it.

I made my decision  knowing it might take months possibly even years for him to sort through his issues and be ready to meet me as a true partner.  I was scared and uncertain about when we'd talk next.  I knew we would talk eventually, but imagine the angst of telling the person you love most in the entire world, the person it took you 47 years to find...to get lost until he's ready to Man-Up. There is nothing certain in that. It was awful. I missed him the moment I told him.

What he did last month wasn't so bad in & of itself, but you see there is a background story.  Last summer there was a 'date' when I invited him to do something that I planned.  I'd always responded to his invitations, and it was my first time inviting him to do something.  I'll just say he waited until the day before to rudely cancel on me- by text.  While I wasn't mad that he couldn't come, I was furious about the rudeness and lack of consideration he'd shown to me.  I took it personally. I said we had nothing left to talk about (because in my mind at the time, before ever hearing of Twin-Flames, I couldn't imagine a man who said he loved me doing something so juvenile, selfish and rude.  I was not going to accept it.). He tried to talk to me about it, but I was so hurt, crushed really. I said we had nothing more to speak about.  I wanted him to fight for 'us'.  He'd invited me to meet his family twice the month before that, and each time the 'picnic' or 'BBQ' had gotten canceled.  I 'm not a stupid woman.  I knew he was struggling with some really deep stuff.  Figured that going through with bringing me to a family function was just a bit to "real" at the time... but it adds to the background.

We didn't talk for 11 weeks after he canceled on me at the last minute.  During all those weeks, which felt like years, I experienced my first cycle of "running" by my Twin-Flame , although I didn't hear that word until right before we reconnected.

So we'd healed and moved past that.  In March we'd had perhaps one of the top three conversations we'd ever had.  In the end, we'd agreed that we'd do a combination of things and one of them was that we were ready to try going on a "date" again together.  This would be the first time since last Summer that we were going to really preschedule some time together.

We were both in agreement we could try a "date" again.

It was up to me to pick the day & pick what we would do. He invited me over on a Friday night & the next morning he went to check his calendar for the date I had suggested.  He didn't have any plans.  We set our day.

Two days after that while I was driving to work, he sent a text saying he'd need a rain check because he was going to a "man's baby shower" on the night of our date.  Yes, you read that right.  He didn't ask, he stated.  And he didn't call, he texted. And he thought asking for a "rain check" would make it ok?

Laugh if you must- I actually do sometimes, because of course he should have gone to the "man's baby shower". .. it's not about him doing something else, it was about our background and about how he's made plans with me and then not followed up time after time.

So when he canceled on me, I decided that Twin-Flame or not, love of my life, or not, my heart had been stepped on one too many times.  I needed to love myself a bit more than my love for Twin... an easy concept unless you've met your Twin.  Your love for Twin comes from a place that is so divine- it's not man-made... it's authentically unconditional and Omnipotent.  It defies all forms of human love, it's breadth is impossible to describe.

But.... a love so rare must exist in our "human" lives.  My expectations are high.  VERY high.  That's one reason why I wasn't sure I'd be able to love someone the way I hoped to.  But I had found him... blindsided me he did...my soul's most perfect mate.  And he'd just canceled on me...again.

The universe has a sense of humor even with Twin-Flames.  You see,  I was the Twin who had suggested we be 'lovers'.  I had even suggested how frequently.  I had no issue whatsoever with having a passionate affair with him while he sorted out things.  I work a long week, have two young adult children at home and work out 4 nights a week.  Having a lover that actually loved me and I loved him wasn't perfect, Eventually I did want a traditional relationship, but for now I had no issue with it!

We talked about that very subject recently.  Twin said "No... that's not who I am... just being lovers.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I've never acted like this before.  Talking like we are right now... that is what really helps".  In other words, Male Twin was saying he didn't want to be "just lovers" and yet he couldn't be in a traditional relationship yet either. 

So, I had this man who I love, who can't be "with me" but can't be "without me" (classic soul-mate stuff), but my genuine willingness to be lovers was trumped with his "ok, but we need to talk like this more too".... which turned into "we can still do last minute things (eating, movies, booty call) AND we're going to add walking our dogs together and trying to "date".

And then he blew it.  What he did was SO much bigger than the simple cancellation.  It brought back our entire history of being abandoned and treated rudely by the VERY person who loves me the most and I him.  I don't doubt that by the way. All of this would be moot and I wouldn't be writing about this if I didn't know with 100% certainty that he and I are Twin-Flames.  The emotion is there, the soul-bond is there, the passion and even friendship are all there.  He's just not ready and I can't do anything about that... except to insist on what I will accept, or not.  Talk about tough.

And so here it is, four weeks after I said  "I love you, but I'm walking away.  This isn't about how I feel, it's about how I insist on being treated.  I am staying away until you grow a pair and until what you say matches your actions.  You can call me when you're ready to talk".

I have lived with it- every day for a month. I've somehow, miraculously even, found a place of balance with it.  I had one meltdown day (see gin & tonic entry), but other than than have done pretty well. 

I should point out - I didn't know (and still don't know) how long Twin will need to figure out the things he needs to figure out before we can take the next steps...but  I never in a million years thought I'd hear from him after only four weeks.  I am going to ignore his text.  I know I can- I will win this test. The test is:  am I willing to give-in on what I ultimately desire (insist on) for a chance to see him now?  It's an option. My answer is no.  I offered you tacos my love.  An all you can eat taco bar...but your behavior made me change my mind.  Now I am holding out for the whole enchilada baby. 

I go wild for steamy texts.... I adore them.  I love to send them & I love to get them.  But with our history and my telling him in clear and uncertain terms that I am done until his behavior is in-line with what he says... do you think it's appropriate to text "U horny?"

I want to laugh, I reallllyyy do.  But I don't think "U horny" means "can I see you-I'm ready to talk". 

If he'd followed by saying "they're growing- come see"?  I would be over there instead of writing this.

 

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Comments

  • 5/11/2010 9:49 PM Sanskrit wrote:
    Enchiladas = good.

    "You horny?" ≠ enchiladas.

    Maybe he should take a look at your pair
    Reply to this
  • 2/10/2011 1:36 AM EE wrote:
    Wow. Your story is almost parallel to what I'm going through right now. I'm right at the point of telling him to grow a pair and not try to talk to me until his actions match his words after he "blew it." Exactly. I think I might actually borrow the wording you used, it was that good!
    Reply to this
  • 10/7/2011 10:13 PM Joan Lowe wrote:
    This is a great article. Thanks for the info.
    Reply to this
  • 1/6/2012 12:38 AM K.A.M. wrote:
    Put me on the list of people who cannot believe how similar your experience is to what I am dealing with. I realize this article is old, but I am grateful to run across it. Thank you for sharing all that you have. It helps so much to know that you are not alone in this. Love & Light.
    Reply to this
  • 8/12/2012 7:15 PM Michelle wrote:
    My story is very similar to your except my Twin was dating another girl while seeing me and then married her without bothering to tell me BUT kept seeing me. I have tried to move away form him but he finds me and pursues me but can't seem to have a relationship with me. He says that he's in the middle of a divorce but recently on vacation in California I called "their" house (where he said he wasn't living) early in the morning and he answered the phone. I am 45 years old and been seeing him for 26 of those years. I don't want to continue for the next 20+ years like this.

    I love him very much but I want to love myself more. I have a 14 year old daughter that is crazy about him. Yes, he has been in OUR lives since the day she was born. I don't want my daughter to think that this type of relationship is okay. I would rather she see me as a strong independent woman who can manager on her own.

    Everyone that has met him, can't stand him and tells me that I can do so much better. I can't explain to them what I feel for him because most people don't get to meet their Twin and don't understand the connection. I had a day when I was cleaning and felt what seemed like a kiss on my neck. I sat down because it took my breath away. About a minute later my phone rang and it was him and he said, "did you feel it". I was speechless.

    I am not sending me any texts or emails, I am just going to focus on me and taking care of myself. I am just going to distance myself from him because he is running right now. I know that if I pursue in any way that he will run longer. We live states apart so I have that space to do my own thing and not be able to drive to see him.

    I love him but I love me more !!!
    Reply to this
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