A Runners Version of Soul-Shock

Soul-Shock:  The pain and distress the soul experiences when your Twin-Flame/Soul-Mate abandons you.

There are some great materials describing “soul shock” on the internet.  My favorite is by Steve Gunn and can be found at his site www.stevegunn.net

Let’s talk about the Runner though.  Anyone with a level of spiritual awareness has trouble understanding how two people can experience a deep soul connection, share the bliss, joy and divine love that these relationships offer- only to have one partner run.

The mind, heart, soul… no aspect of our being comprehends this.  Someone would choose to leave the most amazing thing that can happen between individuals?  Yes, they do… we’re calling them Runners.

Runners seem to reach a road block.  After a period of ecstasy and connection, the Runner leaves. It can be sudden, or there can be a gradual distancing. Either way, they leave the “aware” partner in the dust- shaken to the core and confused.

What we don’t talk about a lot- because there is little information on Runners, is that they experience a different kind of shock.

A Runner runs for complex reasons but an element they all have in common is that they are thrown-off by the intensity of the relationship.  They do not have time to adapt, it’s there right off the bat, the whole ‘soul package’.  They don’t intellectually understand it.  They feel it, but that’s the problem.  Their head and heart/soul are not in alignment.

These same people would be comfortable sticking around if it was no more than physical chemistry.  They would be ok if it was only friendship.  They would probably be ok if it had been a slow evolution from curiosity to lust to friend to relationship to “soul partner”. 

What they can’t wrap their head around is that in one human being (their Soul-Mate/Twin Flame) they are presented with a package that includes all of those things- at the start. No effort required.

They can’t process how this can exist!  Even if they believe in such a thing as an ideal soul-mate, they aren’t spiritually prepared to face him/her so they back off & artificially generate a “slow evolution”.

Think of it this way.  If they did not feel the same intensity as their partner, they’d be there.  Does that sound backwards?  Going into shock makes people do things they wouldn’t do in any other circumstances.

Runners can’t seem to explain their own behavior.  They don’t know why they act the way they do… if you can get them to talk while they’re in the heat of the confusion, you might hear “I’ve never acted like this in my life.  I can’t explain it.  I don’t know who I am anymore or why I’m behaving this way.  This is not the man/woman I am.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me”.

They seem aware they are not themselves but are helpless to stop.

It is a process.  It’s tempting to call Runners stupid, isn’t it?  What is obvious to us is confusing to them.  What is joyful to us is frightening to them.  They are fearful that what they feel is not real, that they are making it up & nobody could possibly love them that much.  Surely it must be a trick.

They are fearful that if they say yes to a relationship, it could crumble and they could never recover. If they didn’t mutually love their Soul Mate/Twin Flame, they wouldn’t have the fear.  Do you see?  You can’t loose what you don’t choose. 

So you see, while it seems ridiculous, the soul-shock a Runner causes is because they are in shock themselves. 

If it gives you any peace, imagine your Runner interacting with anybody BUT you. In your mind’s eye see them.  A normal person behaving normally, right?

Does this not tell you that either one of two things are happening?  Either this is not your Soul-Mate/Twin-Flame and they are an idiot and you can be happy that they have left.

Or… this is indeed a high level Soul Mate/Twin-Flame whose soul did recognize you, but their mind needs time to catch up.

 

What did you think of this article?




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  • 7/8/2010 6:15 PM ByTheLightOfTheMoon wrote:
    Hi Moe - I am curious; are you speaking from personal experience? Were you a runner once?
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  • 7/9/2010 12:57 PM Moe wrote:
    Hi!
    My Twin has been the runner but I became a runner for two months.
    You could see my post "non runner becomes a runner" for the story.
    Once I realized what I was doing I made a gesture to show both Twin and the Universe that I wasn't running any more.
    I am still staying away until he's ready to talk; although we've seen each other twice in the past month & a half at mutual events. The energy is better and we are certainly talking (just not one on one yet).
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  • 9/21/2010 3:38 PM Carole wrote:
    I am usually the stayer, but have become the runner when i felt i was getting no where and decided to give up, when the runner gives up, it is because the situation can seem futile and also the reasons above, the main thing is knowing in your heart that love and even when they are not in contact the feeling of that love can sustain you, the knowledge that they are thinking of you , that even though out of sight does not mean out of mind, brings great comfort.

    Usually when my twin flame is on his way back my feelings of love intensify and grow for some reason, i also dream about him a few days before he returns, this has happened on many occasions, so i know it is a pattern now and look forward to the signs, even though we may not have much contact, when we do it is a pleasure a gift from God.

    It is just some times the seperation still takes me by surprise even after 2 years.

    We will never be totally apart as he cannot leave me , just as i cannot leave him , the times he has said that is it i have had enough are uncountable, but each time he returns, though this time, instead of me writing he has to prove it to himself i think.

    a good article which i could fully relate too , thanks
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  • 11/4/2010 3:44 AM Steve wrote:
    I can't help but feel I've been that runner - for sure. Sometimes things get a little but intense - but I've also been 'the pusher' - the one that can't just let things be, the one that just has to try and push things forward before they are ready to be pushed and guess what?

    The two can't exist without the other.
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  • 2/28/2011 7:45 AM Chanti wrote:
    So happy to read about soul sock as I experienced this when my Flame ran.I am still reeling from it and it has been moths. Unlike heartbreak, soul shock is difficult for people who have not met their twin to understand. The depth of it all is astounding. Now, onward to focus on myself. It is both comforting and also hurtful to have the ongoing loving connection with a runner. I am searching for that inner peace and eternal love. I am grateful for twin flames who share their truth. Thank you
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  • 3/26/2011 7:11 PM Donna wrote:
    Thank you for posting this. My flame has run for the second time. Some of this has been colored by an intense hospital stay - he had heart trouble, I took him to the hospital and stayed with him.

    He kept asking me not to be possessive and warned me that if I was, he'd run. I have NOT been, not in the least, and he still ran. Again.

    When I muscle test, I get "yes" that he loves me and "yes" that he holds an intention to marry me, so all I can figure is that the intensity is frightening. Heck, it scares me!

    So now I'm back to waiting him out. So frustrating and hurtful.
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  • 6/6/2011 10:46 AM Rosemary fox wrote:
    I have been a reader for many years and comforted people with difficult relationships countless times. I now find myself in the twin soul dilemma. almost two years ago I met Richard , it was love at first sight , I felt I could not be closer to him if I crawled under his skin. The impact was so intense that I thought I was losing my mind , and yes he ran. The pain I felt was like nothing I had ever felt, it took me months and months to be anything even close to being over it , but then he would call me out of the blue and then disappear. This has gone on and on. Just recently he said he was coming to see me , I was terrified and wanted him to understand how I felt , he said he wanted to be single among other things and I said some nasty things to him. The old familiar pain is just like it had never left or the love I feel for him ... so now there is little chance of our getting together. I have been in love before ,but nothing that hurts so much or brings me so much joy as this man. He does not know why he stays in touch , but my biggest fear is that I will never love another, I feel if I was standing at the alter getting married and he showed up I would be with him , there is a bliss that I cannot describe and a pain like no other I have ever felt... I cannot bear to think that he and I will not end up together , I feel like I am being punished with no relief in sight.... Rosemary
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  • 6/6/2011 11:53 AM Moe wrote:
    Rosemary, your anguish is palpable. I hope you can feel my hugs coming through the screen.
    This is the biggest test imaginable.... yet it's not about passing or failing anything, is it?
    Who warned us a connection this deep was possible?
    Who said it was OK for one person to be prepared, ready & joyful and for the other to be confused, spiritually immature and to run?
    I don't have the answers. My gut says the connection(s) are much more important (to the universe/planet) than we can begin to imagine.
    I don't really have advice. I could try, but this is unlike anything most people have encountered... I am still learning myself.

    One thing...although I doubt it will be useful to you just yet.  I felt for sure I could never love another after my Twin ran.  I didn't even want to- it was inconceivable.  However... I am realizing that love really DOES have different forms. It's not "you love people differently" like all experts say- this is completely different.  You can love another human person- you can even know their soul & love their uniqueness.  What is compelling beyond my ability to describe is that you can love your Twin as truly as ever... *and* find other humans to love.  Different, yes.  Even close to a Twin-Flame/Soul?  No. So don't try. Companionship and human love is possible with someone other than your Twin.  It's a slowwwwwww process. But it can happen, in my humble opinion.  Hang in there. The best way through it is to feel every darn thing.  Feel it. 

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  • 8/3/2011 10:58 AM Kathy wrote:
    I am SOOOO thankful to have found your articles here. I can feel the pain of my experience finding a gentle and understanding place to rest here with you and your readers. The last 6 months have contained so many "dark nights of the soul" because of my relationship with my "runner". It's the kind of thing where you ask yourself and your Guides repeatedly, "what kind of person voluntarily sets this experience up for themselves?!". The doubt looms so large in my mind sometimes because of his ability to so completely cut me off and stay away. I can't help sometimes but to get caught up in all of the "does he ever think about me", "doesn't he miss me", "how can I be the only one feeling anything" questions. Over and over again, these questions roll around while I try to deal with the shock of separation. Thank you again for being here!
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  • 8/4/2011 2:57 PM Shardonay wrote:
    I find great comfort that others are going through such a profound soul connection. It took a lot of researching to convince myself that I was not crazy, and my runner well I know he can feel it. He's hot and cold, there and gone, mostly gone. Very withdrawn. Pain really is not a strong enough word to describe the misery of feeling rejected at the soul-level. I too have often ponding why in the hell would I sign up for such an ordeal. I concluded I must not of read the fine print. Its been two years now and although its still tough, I realize now that I'm not ready yet either. As my ego dies I see my shortcoming and am thankful that our union has not happen yet. Its imperative for the timing to be right for the maturity level and illumination of each twin to be complete before finally reunion and harmony. The journey is a thought one but I finally think I'm slowly entering the stage where I can enjoy the journey. It truly the greatest love story, the best tear-jerker romance movie, and me an my beloved are the "stars" (stardust)
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  • 8/29/2011 1:52 PM Carolyn wrote:
    Shardonay,
    I too have a runner - although I have ran myself. No Pain is not even close to how I feel on a daily basis. I never expected to feel this way. Yes you worded it correctly it could be the best love story, best love song but I am so broken. I pray and I have tried to learn more so that I can find a peace within myself. I never thought I could even feel this way ever! I can relate.
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  • 9/8/2011 6:46 AM Isabeau wrote:
    I am guilty of being a runner, but I feel that this article was perhaps not written from a runner's perspective and I'd like to add perhaps a little insight, if I may?

    It's not as simplistic as we "can't wrap our heads around it". It's far more than that. It's a real, palpable, genuine fear.

    In my own instance, it was because our meeting was so powerful and because he reflected back at me all that I'm not, all the baggage I'd hidden so well, even from myself, that needs exposure, dissemination and healing.

    All of this came in one massive wave, creating pain that was far too much for me to bear at once. i felt as though I was drowning.

    Couple that with the fact that, too late, I discovered he's 30 years younger than me, and perhaps you just MIGHT begin to understand at least one runner's perspective.

    So I ran.

    And still, I run.
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  • 9/30/2011 1:40 AM Olivia wrote:
    Isabeau, I agree with you. I don't really know what "runners" and "stayers" are. I think this may be terms our human egos have given the twin flame connection because seen from a human (ego) point of view, it is hard to understand why it seems that one person in this twin flame relationship can't be in it like in any other relationship. Overall I don't believe in runners. Either there are no runners or we are all runners in one way or the other. I think it is true that having all you are and all you are not reflected right back in your open face can be very hard, and it takes a lot of healing in order to be able to handle it, and also it takes a lot of strength of being able to be so clarified with yourself that you don't feel the need to hide anything from your twin and mostly not from yourself. I think the thing is with the twin flame connection is that it is hard to understand that the other person, our twin, is not meant to make us whole and happy. It is not a codependent relationship, but in many cases on the internet the stress is on the twin flame relationship itself, instead of the work the two people have to do to become whole within themselves individually. I only know of a few websites that deal with the psychological aspects of this and the inner work and healing each has to do.
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  • 9/30/2011 8:22 AM Olivia wrote:
    I tried to write a comment to specify what I meant about runners, but it disappeared? I feel it is up to people to decide if they believe in runners. I just personally don't. I think the bigger picture is far more complicated.
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  • 11/10/2011 7:29 PM Jo wrote:
    I met my twin when i was 11 years old. I am now 37. I was in a mall with a friend and we were running around like normal 11 year old girls. We ran up some stairs and when i jumped up on the last step at the top, there he was. It was immediate. Like i had been struck by lightning. We locked eyes and that was it. I was 11. He was 12. He lived at one end of the valley. The wealthy end. I lived at the exact opposite end. The poor end. He would jump on a bus and travel 2 hours to come see me. Then.... HE RAN... He has been running ever since. He shows up about every 12 years. Like clockwork... He is inching his way back now. Slowly.. He comes forward, then freaks out and retreats.. Since i know "who" he is it is no longer painful for me. I always knew he was my twin. From thr moment i laid eyes on him. Its strange. We have not been in touch for 12 years. Last time we spoke he was on the other side of the world. Then about a year and a half ago, i'm putting gas in my car about a block from my home and im getting ready to drive off and boom! There he was. Walking in front of my car!!! I recognized him, but my logical mind said "nooooo it couldnt be." And I drove off.. A few months later we got in touch and the first thing he says (over email) is "this is just so strange, i was literally just thinking about you and poof there you are." As we began to talk, turns out he is working about 2 miles from my home.. But, he still runs.. And then he gets brave.. And then runs some more. I tell you.. I am the most patient woman in the world.
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  • 12/3/2011 7:42 AM luciana wrote:
    I am so grateful for having found such a helpful information. I have been struggling since the start of 2011 with a TF surprising separation. I got for the first time in my life through a living hell. I recognized myself clearly in definition of being in depression. I had never being there even upon facing hard times in life. I could not understand by any background information of behavior why that happens. Every thing I heard from friends and listeners never makes sense. I tried every self improvement information, acquiring every time a new understanding of lives wisdom, but still nothing could explain why I keep having this persons spirit and image in my conscience all the time. And I mean like I am carrying a foreign DNA in each cell of my organism! I started to host another soul! Since the moment I physically separated from my TF, I could not land in my home town, my own home, my own family, and the surroundings became unrecognizable. I instinctively blessed the strange decision of my TF to get out of our plains after covering me with love, tenderness and attention. I could not understand how this person could hide suddenly so much love, just a few days before, exploding from the heart and eyes! Never could fell hate or blame. But keep unable to get over, or be free of the pain.

    I have been desperately searching for answers to this attachment with someone I meet only for two magical months. Actually we have been physically together only for two weeks! My life changed since then. I have been in a continuous search for my TF presence, and nothing could make me feel connected with inspiration again.

    I started to be deceptive of myself, since all my surroundings kindly and lovely explained that its too much pain for such a short relationship.I got a feedback like this doesn't make sense.

    Upon reading about Twin Flames being explained in a way so clear and sensitive, I could identify with every word, every feeling and every event described. Like we follow a kind of a TF formula.

    If I wasn't so deeply involved emotionally with this process, I would say I am blessed and am paying the price of finding true love. Possibly we are, but what a pain!

    Anyhow, I thank you very much for this blog, it definitely is The Help I have been begging from Heavens.

    One song I love very much, says: "If it was love, then all the Universe would conspire to give a medicine to alleviate the pain"... (Rick Vallen). I guess the material about Twin Flames is a start. It helps me to fell "normal" again, and start getting in tune with myself and my own self achievements.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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  • 2/4/2012 4:02 PM Raani wrote:
    Please try to understand that all is running and hiding is not due to lack of love,there is immense love in these partnerships,but there is also great presence of fear.The universe partners you up with the person that will bring out your greatest fear to give you a chance to heal it,but instead of healing some people run from it and some get depressed. Just let go of the need for someone else to complete you, learn to be strong by yourself,love yourself and forgive yourself,if you are feeling chemistry for someone that has a fear of intimacy,then you yourself must have a fear of abandonment.You need to heal your fear first and learn to love and honor yourself unconditionally.You are very special and very loved and deserve true love and care.The love that you are searching for is already in you,it's not outside of you,you are causing yourself pain by seeking it from someone else.Firstly love yourself unconditionally then shower others with the same love.There is no pain in unconditional love.Unconditional love is like gods love,like a mothers love,it only gives without expecting anything in return.This twin flame thing is just an attraction of two great fears,fear of intimacy versus fear of abandonment.Love cannot flourish in the presence of fear.Therefore this is not love but an oppotunity to heal yourself so you can give love freely to yourself and others.Don't obsess with this,this is not love,love brings peace,real love has no opposites,this is just an illusion let it go and set yourself free from this pain.When you are ready to love,love will find you and you will know what I am talking about,good luck and please know that you are so loved and so special.
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  • 2/7/2012 8:28 AM Olivia wrote:
    Raani, thank you. That is the most excellent, insightful, and wise comment I have read. I totally agree with all of it. Also I will say that if there is what some call "running", it is in my opinion because there is a lack of readiness to face the fears of ego directly, but in Divine timing fears will sooner or later be faced. My feelings are that the greatest fears for most people are to be fully exposed and vulnerable with all walls torn down.
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  • 2/10/2012 12:25 PM Luciana wrote:
    Raani,
    I never believed my TF didn't loved me. I was present in body and soul, and could not mistake so much tenderness. Moreover, what the "keeper" twin keeps feeling, is the constant presence of the "runner" in the conscience. I don't mean fantasy, obsession or dependence. It is like the other spirit becomes part of oneself. That's incredible, and I mostly searched to understand mind process mechanisms that could explain such a continual effect. None of the sophisticated information could explain that so clear like a Twin Flame theory.
    The love experience kept imprinted in your mind. It changes your reality, life story and memories just up side down. That strong is the love you feel.
    Nobody is perfect, and one always come into a relationship carrying "dragons". But there is a big difference between the vulnerability of specifically lacking self love, and vulnerability of suddenly loosing these flow of love energy. If you are ready to recognize your True Love, probably you must be in an advanced stage of self recognition and self love. That is totally disturbed when the connection is stopped without any warning. It is expected a period of total sorrow, confusion and weakness.
    In my opinion, too much self love, is a waist of love energy. There is no replacement for a kiss, a hug or the experience of intimacy that you can have with a loving person . The loved body just taste and smell different and amazingly good. I do love myself in many levels and that is why I am so ready to love my TF.
    My heart have no idea about time and space, and the love for this person keeps being the same and alive. I never searched for a peaceful love, without opposites, without fear, without challenges. That, by my definition it is not love, it is convenience.
    God surely is with us all the flames, because we just were blessed to know such a perfect love. The price? Yeah, its high!
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  • 2/11/2012 8:57 AM Olivia wrote:
    Luciana, there is no doubt that your twin loves you and you feel him inside yourself because he is part of your soul too. The self love that is doubted could be within him and your union has brought these fears to the surface. The fears I talk about and have personally experienced are within each of us and they are ancient and go all the way back to our individuation as man and woman on this planet. Even if your twin is a successful business man and popular among his friends and family, these fears are so fundamental, and in being with you it could be that you even though you love him and he loves you, your union reminded him of these fears that he has to heal. And only he can do it just like only you can heal your own fears if you have any. We all have our things to deal with, and I advice you to trust in the process. You have most likely experienced how this union was brought to you beyond your own control, and even the separation happened beyond your own control. Self love is not meant to sound easy to achieve, it is great that you feel enough love to love both you and your twin, but he also has to feel enough love for himself to allow himself to love you. That is the kind of self love that I talk about and the fears associated with being able to love oneself fully without restrictions and wounds. Personally I feel that it is natural to run from our fears, that is what fears do to us, but I know that there are higher powers in charge here especially when it comes to the twin flame relationship. Even though we all want love, care, and touch with another human being and our one true love, our twin, we need to be strong enough to love ourselves completely and fully even if he or she can't be there to love us as much as we want need them to.
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  • 2/12/2012 3:33 AM Luciana wrote:
    Dear Olivia,
    Yes, you make it very clear, I agree with you. The true is that as right as for myself, in spite the fact that I always aspired for the perfect love and had being in love before, I had absolutely no idea of how strong it could be. I guess this kind of meeting, take usualy both sides completely by surprise. You are right, and it is very well explained in the TF subject, both have to be ready and willing to let this love energy to flow. One have no right to disrespect the others own process.
    As for my process of "defeating my dragons", well fortunately after learning about TF's, I got enought motivation to fold my sleeves, and start to do my homework.
    Blesses,
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  • 2/13/2012 12:31 AM Olivia wrote:
    Dear Luciana I think this relationship more than any other is such a shock to our human egos. We have to know that our egos develop when we are children and are served to protect us from pain. And with this person, your twin flame, you experience a union where you merge into each other and all walls come automatically down. That is what happens at first, but with the egos that we build in childhood, there is also repressed emotional pain, and this pain starts to surface also through the union. We have to remember that our egos want to protect us from pain as as I said, and when you feel intensely, there is both the chance of feeling great joy and love, but also pain. I know that there are higher powers, our own souls, behind all this, and it is not for our egos to be in control. And that in itself is also a shock to them. So depending on what your twin and you experienced in life, and early childhood as well and unconsciously in other lives, the pain that the ego tried to repress for a long time tends to surface through this union, especially because we are so close with our twin. The ego is in total shock, and one way of dealing with this is through running. That is why I hesitate calling runners for runners, because I know that if they do run it is not out of lack of love, but because they have pain inside that they need to deal with. Our souls are well aware of that. You call them dragons, I call them demons, embrace them!!
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  • 2/15/2012 1:34 PM Luciana wrote:
    Again I totaly agree with you. Moreover, before I meet my TF, I was sure I had all my personal issues under control, and nothing could shake my world. All that was needed was to get into the shock of separation, and I stopped to recognize my self. I can now safely remember that, but then it was like lacking half of myself. Life suddenly changed into a Black and White reality. I suppose most of you may agree with the feeling like you are an ET who landed on Earth by mistake.
    Then soon, surprisely, buried memories and traumas got into life. Like "zombies" crying, please eraise us, and let us rest.
    Thus, an overwelming love shock, or a surprising stop in love flow, both had no doubt a "set up" signal for both of us to start on /or run away from a painfull "cleaning" process.
    I more and more recognize the amazing power of this encounter. And more then anything, we have to recognize our souls and learn to hear its voice, since this appear to be the only voice you can trust and rely on.
    Rest one tinny little problem. What to do with so much love which can't be expressed?
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  • 2/17/2012 1:07 AM Olivia wrote:
    I don't have the answer to what to do with all the love that can't be expressed, maybe someone else does? I know what I did. I still expressed it, but was "prevented" from actively giving it away which was how it was meant to be because I was so controlled by my emotional traumas, wounds, and repressed anger that I really was in no place of having a healthy relationship. Like you I thought I could keep all my issues on control, but they really controlled me more than I controlled them. It was about releasing the anger I had inside. Your twin is never really separated from you, and unconsciously through leaving or stopping the love flow, he knows on a spiritual level that you both have things to heal. I think most people in our world today think that they can heal their inner issues with the energy of another human being, even with their twin, but exactly with the twin everything gets magnified, so in my opinion that is why twins separate, but of course from the human level it all feels like a mistake that has happened.
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  • 2/18/2012 3:55 AM Luciana wrote:
    Again you describe it so clearly. This love is addressed to one being, this energy has a registration : "Made in (one twin)'s heart for (the other twin's name)".
    One other thing that keeps my mind curious is the following question: How the runner twin hides so well his love? Isn't it like covering an underground "geyser"? Besides that, all the period when the "keeper" twin respects the separation, the "runner" also keeps not knowing about his beloved! The "no contact" is mutual! The flame who chose to be away, also keeps without the presence of the beloved! We are ascending to our spirits, but still being humans!
    Doesn't it pains?
    I ask because in the twin that don't hide it, love is in every cell of the body, every thought produced in the mind, even replicating and imprinting itself endlessly in the being. And still, there is longing pain.
    I have been trying the "be busy" therapy, the "move to another place" therapy, the "socialise" therapy, you name it. There is no place to hide

    At this very point, I would like very much and be thankfull to receive a "runner" feedback if possible.
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  • 2/18/2012 8:56 AM Olivia wrote:
    I would love to hear from others too about this. I have my own view on these things based on the experience I have done through many years. Luciana, I get everything you are saying, everything. I have felt the exact same feelings, and there was a time where death would have been a release to me. Those were the days of the early separation, but I got another experience and got to see things from the "runner's", often man's perspective, but there was a time when I couldn't see it like that and saw it like you do. He is not running from you, but from himself. I know this sounds like a cliche, but you have to know that this love opens to issues and long forgotten pain in your man and in you too. Men, well some men, often have a harder time expressing their feelings based on upbringing and wounds of the repression of the divine feminine. About the whole runner thing I used to see things very black and white, and couldn't see the mirroring in all this. There is an intense mirroring between twin flames. I used to see the man as the runner and me as the stayer, but I couldn't see how I was running too. So I consider myself as having been a runner too. I was running from myself, and my twin was doing the same. I was running in the sense that I was expecting him to open to love, and fix me and in the same time I was avoiding all my wounds. I consider the female twin to be the emotional body of the soul, and twins depend on each other for their mutual growth. I don't believe for one second that your twin doesn't feel the love you feel in your soul, but he is away because he needs to deal with this connection, understand it, and it can only be understood with the heart, not the mind. This twin flame relationship can make you lose every aspect of Self unless you become strong and focus on you and your healing. He will get it on the soul level, but is not ready to face it right now. You are not meant to avoid the pain of separation by doing others things. In fact I also tried all the things you did, but the pain continued, and nothing worked. This is in my opinion about healing the inner split within from your spiritual self, source, and your twin. And it is an extremely painful process. Once you have healed this split the pain will lessen, and the emotional wounds you have are where the split can start to be healed. You have no choice, but to accept the separation, because it is not in your hands to control, and it is not in your twin's hands either to control. He is not doing this to you, but as a soul and spirit he has no other choice. Once you heal the inner split, the pain of separation will lessen and you will move closer physically also to your twin again. The way I see it, it has to be this way in order for twins not to try to complete each other like most other soul mate couples do and not to try to fix each others wounds as well. Believe me, I was a runner too, and an extreme one. I did extreme things out of my wounded ego.
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  • 2/19/2012 3:54 PM Amy wrote:
    Olivia, I completely agree with your point of view. For 2+ years now I was blaming the seperation on my runner. But as I grow more as a person and spiritually I realize that I was running from him, too, in that I had to learn lessons about myself. For me, it was learning to open up to others and be more open with my feelings. My runner wuld only let me get so close, but then he would run again, over and over again. It was a bitter little pill to swalloe for a while to think that, since we are a mirror of each other, I was running from myself, too. I put on a charade about past experiences so hence he did as well. I wouldn't tell him and he wouldn't tell me some of our deepest innermost thoughts and emotions. I had to learn to do this from others, mostly in my church, but it helped me to grow spiritually and be so much more closer to God than I have been ever before in my life. And had it not beenfor my runner, I never would have taken this path. As I get closer to God and Surrender all to His control, I am more at peace with my Twin and feel closer to him than I ever did before. I have given it all to God as it is in his control, and now we are getting much closer. I have always experienced crazy synchronicities concerning my Twin--his name or similar vehicle, passing him on the road, running into him at the C-store, grocery store, etc. But now as I surrender, the synchronicities are more and more. Now I giggle and laugh at them! They used to drive me crzy! Twice this week I was faced with issues that I could really use his help on, thinking I wish we were talking. This time I listened to my intution and called him--although he didn't answer right away, he did call me back and was able to help. This time though, I didn't pressure him to see him like I used to. We spoke each time for about 5 mins because I kept the convo light and I ended the call. I no longer hold our relationship to the old standards I once did. And I know he was perplexed and confused by this. Yes, I expect he will be the one calling next time and it will happen soon. Again, I am listending to my intuition now. But I am able to do this only because I addressed the issues that were in the mirror(Twin) reflecting back at me, came to peace with them, and surrendered control to God. I allowed my ego to die and thus it allowed more room for intuition and better ears to hear it with. Now, I will sum this up by saying that the last time I killed my ego or let go and let God I was looking for my Twin, but wasn't even aware of that term yet. I just knew he was out there and went looking for him. Of course I only met him after I surrendered--and that was just 2 weeks later.
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  • 2/20/2012 1:39 PM Luciana wrote:
    Dear Olive,
    I have been indeed spending a lot of precious energy on learning about this special love, not only to heal the situation, but also to get truly engaged into the processes of changing that started to accelerate in my self. I feel exactly as described as a huge metamorphosis in the way I see everything. If I would have merely the need to adapt to a new consciousness, even the strongest confusion would never be compared with the need to adapt to a new state of consciousness FOR the purpose of understanding and adapt to this soul level LOVE. If we could stay at the logical, classical level of process, we should say, "this is not love, this is suffering" and would feel free to get into defence reactions so widely instructed in books or web sites, like "five instant rules to get over a break". The trap is that together with the TF meeting, we get into the other side of compreension, the soul level. Again, in this same time you have to deal with other aspects of life, but most of your old values (position, possesions, believings) are falling apart. Nobody prepared us for that at school. At this level, you seek protection but there is no ego available. You seek for friendship, but your best friend is eons far away from the soul level. You are in "solo" performance. That is definitely a very vulnerable situation.
    Thanks God, people share knowledge and feelings online, this is huge help indeed.
    Thank you,
    Luciana
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  • 2/21/2012 12:49 AM Olivia wrote:
    Amy, absolutely! Yes, it takes a great deal of self awareness to be able to see the reflection in the mirror. I agree totally, and also allowing ego to die. I remember thinking my twin was a weirdo, well, what did that say about me?? And also you have to let go and surrender control, not easy to do.

    Luciana, I owe you an apology. You are perfectly capable of thinking on your own, and if I put words in your mouth I am sorry. You already know all things. You said: an ET that has landed on earth. A perfect metaphor. I sure had that feeling, and also the feeling that something here, on Earth that is was deeply off, like I had been away and had come back and couldn't understand the place I had lived all my life. You also said "solo performance",, yes indeed it is, couldn't have described it better, but I used to see the twin separation as a curse and now I can see it is for the higher good of people who go through these things, so that is why I questioned "running" in the first place. All my best, Olivia
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  • 2/22/2012 8:55 AM Luciana wrote:
    Olivia, your comments are fine and have been of great significance. At the begining I join the blog because I just "discovered" the TF dinamic and oscilated between the confusion of understanding that the one I love so deeply run away because I am deeply loved, and the great relief to achieve finally some insight into this mess.
    Actually, I feel that expressing some of the feelings shared by so many, may aid into the strenghtened process, and also may help others to recognize their own "chaos" and say: "Oh, thats why I feel so miserable! I met my TF!"
    You see, most of us, spent a long time completely loose in dispersed puzzle parts, because we did not know how to define this connection. This is possible the reason why very sensitive people could sorrow their away lover to the point of death, or on a better outcome to the point of great creative inspiration in arts. Professionals on relationships and human behaviour still raise their eyebrows when asked about soul level Twin Flames.
    Besides, since we are denied from connection,talking about it is a "kind of" special way to express your love.
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  • 6/15/2012 6:23 PM allison wrote:
    Hi Luciana,
    I am writing because I exactly know what you are going though, the love inside that you feel for your TF, the pain of separation, as is someone saw your soul and body into half and took it with themselves, the insanity that comes to mind when no one believes you or says its just two months of interaction, you can get over it. I feel it all. Its been year for me I still cry myself to sleep, I have shed tears for 9 months straight, every day, missing half of my soul. I have heard it all, I have been to shrinks bring to figure out what was wrong with me. I have lost 4 family members of mine in 6 years one after the other. Never have i felt so distraught to seek professional counseling but the separation from my TF made me seek help. People who have never met their TF or never felt that love will not understand, the unconditional love you in your heart , the pain , that just turns your world 180 degrees. Sometimes I think its all me he never cared, all the feelings were one-sided and i was ashamed to admit that I couldn't get over this man. But the thing is that You never get over your TF and the love that you feel for each other. All i can say that it there was life before him and life after him It took me understanding my self, accepting myself to understand him and 9 months to start coming back to what I now call "real world", I have been in relationship all I can say is that nothing compares to what I have shared with my TF. Now as I said that people who have never met their TF will not understand. All I am saying that pain will not go away, because i always feel connected to him, but it becomes bearable with time and you still feel the unconditional love for your TF. Hold on and believe what is in your heart, your feelings, although it might not be the easiest thing to do now, but it will guide you and be a little better with time as you understand your true self better you will understand your reflection, your TF. Its all about self actualization. Thats my two cents worth of comment from my experience of meeting my TF. You see I used to be the person , who never believed in such things as TF or even i soul mates, because i was trained as a scientist, until I met my and now I don't know how to explain what happened or what to think. Anyways, all i can say that the pain of separation becomes bearable with time but the love that you feel will grow increase with time.
    Take care
    With best regards
    Allison
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  • 8/8/2012 6:59 AM Mo wrote:
    Thank God I found this blog!!!
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  • 8/15/2012 6:06 AM Betty wrote:
    I am the "Stayer", yet feel like I facilitated my TF's running! Maybe, my story is unusual, or maybe I haven't yet read a similar story?

    I was guided through my work, to someone who taught me that my then partner (and TF) was being controlling and manipulative due to low self-esteem, mistrust and disrespect of women and that if I believed we were 'meant to be', I should have enough faith in our love to be strong, refuse this behaviour and let him go; that if he returned he was truly mine and if not, what have I truly lost?!

    I have never experienced such pain; worse than the financial and emotional struggles of single parenthood, loss of my home or any grief at the death of a loved one, but somehow, I knew there was no option, for the constant reassurance of my morals, fidelity and love was like banging my head against the wall, extremely painful and totally futile!

    So I ended the relationship in November 2010. I was subsequently led to various sources of information, each leading to the next. I would have described myself as an athiest and now I consider myself very spiritual and can only describe my 'journey' as a transformation.

    I was led to TF's, synchronicities etc as a result of this over-powering urge to know I was not being deluded about what we both felt and was not going mad and recognised just about everything I read as if it were being written about our issues and our relationship.

    I now know I was fortunate enough to be led to my spiritual teacher, to be shown that he needed to "run" but needed my permission to do so, as he feared losing our connection if he stayed away long enough to work on his issues, or 'karma'. I needed to work on inner strength to allow him to do that.

    He has reconnected for reassurance that I am still here, that the connection is not one-sided and he has time to continue his work on 4 occasions; each time 'ego' has been present and I have remained strong, have not melted into his arms, but shown dignity, compassion and given reassurance, without desparation (though I was feeling it); allowing him to once again run, because he was not yet ready to unite!

    I have not seen my twin for 12 months and today marks 3 years since we met physically. Although I long for him as much, if not more, than I ever did, I will not get in touch as I do not want to sacrifice his journey for my selfish need.

    If he has healed and can find inner happiness and peace without me and I have played a small part in that, then I can only find the same.

    If your TF is running, let them, they wouldn't choose to, they NEED to!

    Blessings to all TF's, whatever role you are playing
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  • 8/15/2012 7:54 AM Mo wrote:
    Mm hmmm.... You have to let them run. They always return for reassurance. Even if its just to meet for a cup of coffee.. They always come back, say things bordering on "i love you" or things that confirm the connection, and then they run like hell again... Thats how it is. Us "stayers" go through alot but our job is patience, working on the self, and unconditional love. Thats it. Soon enough they will begin to reflect it back to you. Thats how it works. As painful and gut wrenching as it feels at times. I am so thankful that I have found others experiencing this. If i didnt i would have surely sought "professional help" by now. Haha!
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  • 8/15/2012 11:13 AM Kathy wrote:
    Thank you Betty for sharing your story, it's very similar to mine only I met my Twin 7 years ago. It's been a very challenging journey to say the least. My Twin and I are currently separated from each other as well, he is the runner and I'm the stayer. I think the next 12 months will be pivotal for most Twin Flames. Best wishes to you!
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  • 8/16/2012 10:03 AM Betty wrote:
    Thank you so much! 7 years; that's tough and I pray to the lord it won't be much longer for you, that it won't be that long for us, but guess however long it takes, I'll be here, getting on with things, but ever hopeful about tomorrow, as we all are!

    It's so good to find other TF's after so long feeling totally alone, isolated, insane and unable to get reassurance that I'm not! Being told "he's no good"; "plenty more fish in the sea" or "You deserve better" and defending him has lost me some close friends; though I know it's because they care and have witnessed so much of my pain since I met him, they have not tried to understand that he's been damaged by his upbringing and other karmic/companion partners in this lifetime (and probably others)being disloyal and unfaithful and needs time to deal with that and to find trust enough to let go of ego and not be scared of what he feels.

    Only a TF can truly understand the instant 'knowing' at soul level, that 'this is it', that his healing and ultimately his happiness is paramount and that apart from my son's and my own happiness, I would sacrifice anything for him.
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  • 8/18/2012 12:39 PM Kathy wrote:
    Your reply came at just the right time. I just got heart-slammed with pictures on Facebook of my Twin and his girlfriend and proof that he took her home to meet his family...my biggest nightmare dealing with him as a runner is watching him in relationships with other women and wondering if he's going to choose one to marry and have children with. My Twin is 56...I'll be 41 on Tuesday. I'm tired of walking such a solitary path while he indulges in relationships that constantly represent his old repetitive behavior patterns. My biggest frustration is that my Twin is a meditation teacher and psychic counselor. He's into alternative healing therapies and is on his version of a spiritual path. My twin is the one that recognized me and who we are to each other...he's the one that introduced me to the phrase "twin flame"...and he's the runner. I'm tired...I'm so tired of this path. I know that my own growth and healing is nothing less than life changing...but I have a hard time believing that it had to be like this...that there couldn't have been another way for my soul to show me who I am and why I'm here...I'm sorry...I guess I'm in pain and I'm rambling...still dealing with the shock of seeing those pictures a few hours ago...blessings to you all!
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  • 8/19/2012 8:18 AM Betty wrote:
    Kathy, It's so painful I know. I felt for you and had to reply as soon as I recieved notification of your comment.

    In my very humble opinion, Facebook is an absolute no-no. You do not need to talk to people you never see and you definitely do not need a place where you can readily get ........ 'information about your TF that he wants you to have'. This could be a purely manipulative move.

    "IF" he is actually dating other women, why would you want to give him the satisfaction of knowing you know it and are hurt by it; he knows you inside out, don't forget! I came off that site when I gave my TF the freedom to run, because I knew that my fears were deep and scary enough without the temptation to look at his profile when I'm struggling with missing him; or handing him yet more power! Any social situation these days is photgraphed and instantly on the web via a mobile phone!

    My latest realisation is that, even if my TF is dating; and I actually doubt that, but if he is, and he has a physical relationship, that's all it is! You cannot, having made the TF connection, kid yourself for long that sex is anything but sex. Making love, I realise at age 42, has only happened with one man. It was a deeply spiritual experience and meaningful beyond the rationl mind; you know what I'm talking about! So the best any TF can hope for when they are separated, is physical release and that can never bring soul satisfaction, can only strengthen your connection, bring more yearning for what you had and more healing .......... so, really it's all good and ultimately, part of the process!

    Keep the faith, he loves you, feels the connection, is trying to disprove it to himself and he can't!!!
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  • 8/19/2012 8:27 AM Betty wrote:
    P.S. Happy Birthday for Tuesday ....... it will be a tough day without him, so make plans, remember your particular blessings,; we all have them! and ... come off Facbook NOW!....... DO IT! He'll know that you've done so and it may be the thing that motivates him to stop running! x
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  • 8/19/2012 8:29 AM Mo wrote:
    I feel you.... Thats hard... My twin and I are both married to other people... I see his wife all the time. Its hard. But not as hard as it used to be. Now i feel sorry for him and her because I know he suffers and i know that her husband does not love her. His life reflects mine, sadly. But its about coming to realization.
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  • 9/8/2012 12:40 PM sl wrote:
    i was the runner first time round, i think half the reason runners don't speak isthey don't know they are running I actually thought I was being played for a fool, i suddenly got all insecure for no reason he was playing me as he was very good looking and the connection although i didn't realise it was spiritual (he actual realised it first) it kinda made me loose control and act in ways i couldn't even explain myself,
    i also had a bad friend advising me in all kinds of awful ways and i stupidly followed her advise, sending ultimatums etc, then ignoring texts, calls, and him in person yet still iwasn't aware I was the runner! it took me a year and a bit of working on myself to realise i was the runner, second time round i ran emotionally and he ran physically this has all been about me learning to open up emotionally and grow my self love and faith
    once you know your blocks it makes it easier at least!
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  • 9/24/2012 2:01 PM Hope wrote:
    I thank God for this blog.and just knowing that i am not alone and not insane.
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  • 9/25/2012 5:46 AM Mo wrote:
    You said it....

    Well, i have some good news on my end... My twin got in touch. Said he needs to see me. Day after tomorrow is the day. We will see if he pulls through. Crossing my fingers...
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  • 9/26/2012 3:55 AM Kathy wrote:
    Blessings and best wishes to you Mo! I think we'll all be collectively holding our breath and praying for you and maybe even for ourselves that the tipping point of the 2012 - 2013 Twin Shift has started. Love to you!!
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  • 9/26/2012 4:26 AM Betty wrote:
    Mo! I really hope it's reunion time, not another short reconnection. I have everything crossed and wait with baited breathe for your next comment.
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  • 10/25/2012 7:10 AM Betty wrote:
    Are there any TF's out there who have always felt like they didn't belong with their 'blood/birth family'; like they spent this lifetime trying to get approval from them? I am not adopted, but my 3 siblings were favoured for sure.

    I have, in the last couple of days strived (for the upteenth time) to do the right thing for everyone else, even though it goes against my wishes and upsets me deeply, but being pushed too far this time, I reached a pivitol moment and refused to do it anymore!

    Crucially, I realised that ANY relationsip needs to be balanced and that no-one can continually put in 80 to 100%; it has to be 50/50, no matter how scared we are of losing someone!

    This provoked thoughts about parent/child relationships in general and what we should be able to expect from them is 'unconditional love', like that I have for my son.

    It hit me; BAM! My TF's family gave me instant acceptance, they liked me immediately .... for me! There was no need to please them, watch my words, keep my opinions to myself or agree with theirs!

    I felt sad that it took me 40 years to get the approval of parents and that they weren't my own, but, then I felt elated at the realisation; TF's family are my soul family, the connection was not only instant with him and sub-consciously I am missing my family as well. No wonder the separation is so painful!

    I received an 11:11 confirmation and know when TF stops running I'm going home .............. mind blowing!
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  • 10/26/2012 8:00 AM MoNotMoe wrote:
    So i have to share my frustration.. Since this is really the only place I can do it... Twin contacted me a month ago by email. Said the whole "we should talk" thing. Called me a week later to tell me he is separated and has his own place now. The phone call was literally a minute long.. Now? He is in a full sprint.... GAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
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  • 11/4/2012 8:49 PM Aaron wrote:
    Mo, Please tell us how its going!

    Blessings.
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  • 11/14/2012 12:16 AM Poe wrote:
    So wonderful to share the pain and joy of this relationship with someone that understands. My Twin was the runner ... pusher ... because I would try and force him to be honest with me about his feelings for me. Each time he would do something to show me "we r not like that". We are strictly friends. Very, very close friends. We both suffered sexual abuse as children. We began healing but he stopped. He is gay. He left his partner 7 years ago and I divorced 6 years ago and neither of us have seen anyone else since.
    One morning I woke to a dream that I was very jealous because my Twin was going to go out with someone. I called him to tell him and he said "wow, I just made plans to meet so n so at a bar." Stunned, devastated I was what I am always .... honest. He said it was nothing, and I knew in my heart he was right ... I also got that he was testing his gay feelings after so many years and he told me the next day that he was grossed out by the whole evening. Even though we are just friends I felt so betrayed and decided thhat this was too hard ... to love this intensely ... and have him treat me so lightly. I RAN!! I told him I couldn't do this ... I couldn't be JUST friends. I learner so much in those 4 months. I realized without a doubt we were Twins and that not even seperation could sever us. How I tried! I knew the pain I put him through. I knew the days he worked, the days he was writing about me, when he was listening to the Cr's I'd made him. It was amazing. My abilities grew a thousand fold and my love for him grew deeper. I sent him a letter saying how sorry I was and his reply was that he thought it best we not return to what we had less we hurt each other more. He couldn't do it. That was Thanksgiving. I don't remember much, I was so numb with the pain. I told myself that if I didn't hear from him by Dec. 31 I would let go ... completely ... like he had me. He wrote me Jan 2, saying he woke up and felt the connection cut ... I must not have loved him that much ... I wrote back the above ... he text an hour later ... dinner ... 6pm tomorrow ...
    That was 2 years ago this Jan. I made a promise to myself ...I would not say one word about us to him, and I haven't. I cherish each moment we have together ... about one evening a week. We talk all night, fix dinner together and end the evening giving each other shoulder, neck and head massages. We talk 1 or 2 times a day. He hasn't run once.
    We celebrated our 11th anniversary in October. Am I happy ?... those 6 hours ....absolutely!!! The rest of the time is filled with my children, work and loving him Soul to Soul .... waiting, longing, missing him until we are together again and my heart calms to a mighty roar!
    Running taught me that love un conditional is what we both need to continue healing. I can do that.
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